Monday, June 13, 2005

Distracted by Pants

Lets see, yesterday was Sunday and I was able to finish zero jobs. It isn't as though this is a trend, I am always working on something, whether it be visual art work, writing, home making jobs, finances or parrot play. But it seems that weekends, which are heralded by the presence of my spouse, present an altogether different challenge from plain multi-tasking.
I am tending to calling this problem: "Distracted by Pants". Perhaps another term that could be applicable would be "Trou disoriented".
But this is nothing new. Although my libido, which is typically that of an unmedicated 54 year old female, isn't distracted in say, the same manner as it was when I was 30, never the less, distraction rules when my husband is home.
Whether he is working on projects (all 24 at one time) or simply lurking in his 6'2" way, I can't seem to get a flippin' thing accomplished when he is not at work himself.
I would think that perhaps this is a personal problem. You know, in the realm of maybe late diagnosed AADD or some other intitial laden malfunction. But no. This distraction problem goes away the moment he steps into his car and pulls out of the driveway. At that point I am free of his encumbrance. I do not have to worry about trying to have super hearing so I can make out the inane mumblings of a person not sure of the next step, or to be concerned with his interruptions as I head to the bathroom. Or being in precisely the place he feels he must be to conduct his next project in. I do not have to be concerned with leaving a towel on the counter, my laundry on the clothesline, a newspaper on the ottoman, or a bowl in the sink. Not that this is a perfect house, but it seems that my leavings are the very means by which he avoids his next job on his imaginary honey do list. Procrastination by means of other peoples chores.
This is not to say I don't give him things to do. Oh, I do. But he is not the kind of guy who needs to be told that something is broken - unusually. He IS the type of guy who flies around the house looking for the next big thing to occupy himself. Talk abut AADD. My dear husband has it in spades.
Fortunately he is not a couch potato. Not at all. His problem, if it is a problem (and it might very well be my problem according to other wives I talk with), is that he is constantly in motion, until he falls over from exhaustion. Now some people would see this as a plus. A man who always is busy and making or doing something creative. Compared to the alternative, my husband is a gem. But this constant motion can be just as frustrating as constant immobility can be.
Oh, I know, quit complaining. At least things get done around here. But is it too much to hope that once in a while nothing gets done other than relaxation, inactivity, and most importantly; no distractions?
Thinking about being distracted by pants, could it be that being distracted by a guy wearing no pants be more satisfying, even to a woman with decreased libido? YES! I say. I would rather be distracted by the promise of a lazy day in bed than the lawn being mowed, the screens being washed, the weeds being pulled and the garage being vacuumed. There are times when I would rather see the sheets being changed because they have been tarps for engaging sexual activity, as opposed to being simply surfaces to sleep on.
I guess after all these years I still ask myself why men find it so hard to strike a balance in their lives. Why they have difficulty moderating their behavior rather than putting their behaviors on steroids. Why they seem to have only two setting for their switches: TOTALLY ON or COMPLETELY OFF.
Women seem to not suffer from these problems. It is completely reasonable to us to take a day off park our butts in a comfy chair with book, iced drinks and glasses at hand while the house goes to hell in a hand basket. No, I do not endorse sloth as a lifestyle. But I do think it is very civilized to take a day now and then and do nothing other than enjoy the fruits of years of labor. To sit in the shade with the paper, to bask in the sun on a hammock, to finally listen with both ears to that Coltrane CD.
A hint to all men: if you really want to do something nice for the wife, how about chilling out for a day. Giving it all a rest.
Even eating only leftovers rather than expecting a gourmet feast......

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